To the Woman Who Just Had a Miscarriage
First and foremost, I want to say I see you. You never expected things to unfold this way. The shock, the confusion, the anger—it’s all so much to carry. And it’s not a linear process. It’s messy, overwhelming, and deeply personal. Right now, you might feel betrayed by your body, like everything is out of your control. It’s a lot to handle, and it’s even harder when you have to go on with your daily life while managing all of these emotions.
I want to offer you some tangible strategies that might help you navigate this uncharted territory in the coming weeks.
This Is a Good Enough Reason to Take Some Time Off
Grieving a miscarriage often feels invisible. When someone loses a grandparent, a pet, or any loved one, people know how to acknowledge it—cards are sent, flowers arrive, and others are ready to listen. But with pregnancy loss, especially early pregnancy loss, it’s often brushed aside because others may not even know about it. This can make you feel like you’re grieving in silence.
Many women I’ve worked with have hesitated to take time off after a miscarriage because it doesn’t feel like a “valid” reason. But I’m here to say—it is. You don’t need to justify this loss to anyone. Cancel your to-do list, clear your schedule, and take the time you need. A day, two days, or more—whatever you need to begin healing.
Set Boundaries with Friends and Family
You might want to talk to some friends or family about your miscarriage, and that’s okay. Some will show up in exactly the right way—offering kindness, empathy, and practical support. But there will likely be others who, despite their good intentions, might say something that feels frustrating or even hurtful:
“What went wrong?”
“Was it something you did?”
“What did the doctors say?”
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“The universe/God never gives you more than you can handle.”
Sound familiar? It can feel overwhelming to navigate these comments when all you really want is compassion and space to grieve.
Remember, you get to decide what information you share and with whom. Setting boundaries around how much you disclose can help protect your emotional wellbeing. It’s okay to say, “I’m not ready to talk about it” or “I don’t have answers right now.” You deserve that space.
Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Becoming Overwhelmed
Grief is a process, not a straightforward path. You may find yourself bouncing from emotion to emotion—sadness, anger, guilt, confusion—with no clear end in sight. This can feel disorienting and uncomfortable. But acknowledging what you’re feeling is a crucial part of healing.
One tool I recommend to help you stay grounded is a somatic self-check-in. Here’s how you can use it to connect with your emotions:
Find a quiet, private space where you can sit or lie down.
Place a hand on your heart and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”
Tune into your body: “Where do I feel this emotion in my body?”
Notice any physical sensations—tension, tightness, or discomfort (use the sensation word bank to help you)—and ask yourself, “What’s happening around me that might be contributing to how I feel?”
Most importantly, validate that you feel this way based on what you noticed is contributing to how you’re feeling.
By giving yourself permission to pause and check in with your body, you’re honoring your experience. This practice helps validate your emotions and allows you to process discomfort in manageable doses. Over time, this can help you stay connected to yourself and prevent becoming overwhelmed by the grief.
Identify Your Most Useful Coping Skills
During this difficult time, it’s essential to have a toolkit of coping skills that can help ground you and provide relief when emotions become too heavy. Whether it's journaling, talking to a close friend, taking walks in nature, or engaging in a calming practice like yoga or meditation—find what works best for you and give yourself permission to lean into these tools when you need them most. Take a look at this helpful handout to start making your list of coping skills/resources.
You’re Not Alone: Start Therapy for Miscarriage Support
Miscarriage can feel incredibly isolating. It’s one of those experiences that’s deeply personal, but also one that so many women silently endure. If you’re struggling, please know you don’t have to go through this alone.
Grief, guilt, anxiety, and uncertainty are all common after a miscarriage, but the good news is that therapy can help. As a therapist who specializes in helping women heal from infertility and pregnancy loss, I use a combination of somatic therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to support you through your emotional recovery. These approaches can help you process grief, manage anxiety, and reconnect with your body, so you don’t have to navigate this journey by yourself.
You deserve the time, space, and care to heal. Reach out today to begin your healing journey. Let’s work together to process your grief and give you the support you need to move forward with greater strength and emotional clarity.